If you see a bandwagon, it's too late.
Sir James Goldsmith

I always have a quotation for everything -- it saves original thinking.
Dorothy L. Sayers

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Mae West

I love criticism -- just so long as it's unqualified praise.
Noel Coward

What is the speed of dark?
Steven Wright

I often quote myself -- it adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw

In the beginning was the thing. And one thing led to another.
Tom Robbins

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
Lucille S. Harper

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."
Steven Wright

I'm as pure as the driven slush.
Tallulah Bankhead

I never travel without my dairy. One should always have something sensational to read.
Oscar Wilde

All of us are stars and deserve the right to twinkle.
Marilyn Monroe